Recently, I came across some very interesting articles and conversations about a toxic relationship. Interesting enough to make me realize that all this romanticism around relationships is exactly what is making us incapable of handling them. When I say relationships, it is not just about the romantic ones but also the ones we share with our friends and family. As a matter of fact, our ability to handle relationships is pretty universal. If we can handle one of these well, chances are, we can work on the others well, too.
Relationships are fundamental to the human existence. Continuous researches and studies have outlined the impact of relationships on our lives. Which means that if you want a healthy, successful life, a healthy relationship is at its foundation. Of course, this also includes the relationship with the ‘self’ but that topic is not for today; though I’d be writing about it soon, too.
About our relationships with others – insecurities, fears, and anxiety are common in any arrangement. Moreover, the more important the relationship is, the higher is the degree of fear. Yet, there’s a huge difference between being a little insecure in a relationship and consuming someone else with its toxicity.
Honestly, researching about this article also showed me the mirror. I do hope work on myself using this, too.
1. Making the other person feel unsafe
A person should never feel inhibited to express themselves, like walking on eggshells with you. Physical aggression is the biggest red flag in any relationship. Even if it is not exactly hitting a person, throwing things or intimidating someone in their personal space is bad enough. Emotional abuse is equally worse; if you threaten someone constantly just over them sharing their views, you need to check yourself immediately.
A relationship is based on freedom of thought and exchanges and the person with you should always feel safe when with you, in person or in thought.
2. Unhealthy Competition
Anyone can fall into the trap of competition, especially if you’re in similar fields or follow a similar lifestyle. However, projecting your insecurities on another person by making your life all about being ‘better than them’ at everything is the worst thing you can do to them and to yourself. This definitely doesn’t mean you think of yourself as higher or lower than them either. It just means that you need to let go of this toxic thought of comparison altogether.
For example, you can start by understanding that you can celebrate your achievements without criticizing someone else. So, instead of “You never made a coffee for me, but see I made it for you” just say “I made a coffee for you”, usually, the praise and the message, both will follow even with just that.
3. What you bond over
One of the early signs that determine the success or failure or if its toxic relationship is what you bond over. Even though the internet memes would tell you that you become the best of friends with someone when you sit and gossip about someone else, it isn’t quite true. (Of course, we all gossip once in a while, though.) If you are not adding on to someone’s life with thoughts, positivity, and actions, your words definitely don’t matter.
So, be aware of you bond over and look for conversations or hanging out will soon be a chore.
4. Keeping a log of everything
At the basis of it all, it is important to acknowledge that human beings aren’t perfect. So, if someone wronged you some time ago and you accepted their apology, it is not fair to bring it up again in another fight just to make your argument stronger. Unless there is a legitimate connection, there’s no reason to keep a log of things from the past. This also includes comparing your present relationships to the ones from the past.
Remember, you chose to live with this person after that, which means the sincerity in their apology was enough to convince you, so why be harsh on yourself and them again now?
5. Romanticize Expectations
So, this is basically a sum of all problems in any relationship, much worse in a toxic relationship. When you start romanticizing expectations or start blaming your emotions on someone else, you’re basically heading to the end of the road.No one can plan the ‘perfect’ surprise for you, nor can one can say the ‘right’ thing to you, neither can someone make you feel something unless you want to feel that way. Even though books and movies may tell you that your relationship with a person is healthy if you can telepathically communicate and always by empathetic, it is a blatant lie.
It is plainly narcissistic. If you keep romanticizing and projecting your expectations like such on a person, it is not only selfish but also futile. Basically, a cycle of disappointments. Instead, you can just talk about whatever is bothering you, seek exactly what you want and not wait for magical stuff.
All relationships are nurturing, mutual, and beautiful in their own ways. So, don’t destroy them with all the toxic relationship practices as stated above. Instead – communicate, create a healthy, positive, and safe space, take responsibility for your own emotions, and enjoy life in the moment.
A person’s life in this day and age already has a lot of drama. You don’t need to add on to it by being a toxic parent, child, sibling, friend, or partner. No one deserves a toxic relationship, not even you. Take initiatives and incentivize the other person with your actions.
Do let me what you think about this list in the comment section below. For my travel in style adventures, keep following ertsy. Till then, be your own desire.
Featured Image: Thoughtcatalogue.com
In article image via john.do